An Unforgettable Dinner Party

I am planning a party for a small group of friends, and I need a  plan. My friends expect that I will create something unique, something with lasting impact...

... BECAUSE it's going to be another Pay It Forward Party. It was a fabulous Dinner Party, Yes it was!

In a few courses, and the course of a few hours, we'll together create a life-changing event for ourselves and others. I just need to think of the framework...

This year I'm thinking about a community garden at the Assisted Living Facility, outside the Alzheimers Unit. And I'm thinking bees, worms, seeds, soil, hours of volunteering to turn the soil, pick up trucks full of loam and chicken wire, and a buffet for the hungry gardeners... So maybe I'll do a brunch sweet and savory, not dinner. Crepes, Blueberry Pancakes, Eggs Benedict, Strawberries dipped in Chocolate...

My friends are prepared to give, and I believe my community is too. I need to make some calls... I'm going to ask for some donations. I think I know who'll give us the loam, and the plants... the folding tables for the buffet...

Last summer, when my eight dinner guests arrived, each of the four couples received $50 and instructions written on leaves of a centerpiece cleverly designed as a giving tree. The money was to help others... in the spirit of fun! I won the money in a rubber duck-over-the-waterfall-race, my number fell first.

So, while eating an exquisite dinner overlooking the lake, we gave thanx for our blessings and discussed ways to "spend" the money. At the end of our meal, we all headed out to town with the sole purpose of having some fun, spreading some joy. It's a flat trail, an easy mile walk down abandoned railroad tracks which have been converted into a bike and hiking trail. We were not out of breath due to exertion, yet there was not much talking. Wheels were spinning... we were almost running... in our hearts and minds.

Once we got to town we scattered. One filled up motorist’s gas tank, one took takeout Chinese to the volunteers at our little fire station, we dropped a load of quarters off at the laundrymat. We gave out $10 bills outside the market, on the sidewalk, and bought snacks for kids at the hot dog stand at Little League Field.  I know that some of my dear friends contributed more of their own money but before the night was over my friends had given more than money. The arborist had made arrangements to look at someone's rotten tree hanging over their roof, I volunteered to do an art project at the Town's summer program for kids, and my dear friend with the pick up truck agreed to pick up a free sofa for a young couple who just needed a way to get it to their first apartment.

We felt so good. It was such a gift for us to be able to go around and play Santa thanx to a rubber duck who bobbed along in a straight line. I think we are probably genetically wired to do good and care for others, the traits of generosity, kindness and compassion are certainly necessary for procreation and group survival. But in the modern world we sometimes miss out on the joy of giving...

We felt good as we connected with people amazed at their good fortune. But the best part of the evening was the walk home, we were laughing, screaming, hooting and hollering in anticipation "of the next time", even before we fully savored the experience and felt the deeper feelings that accompanied the evening. In the rush of good feelings, during that brisk walk, a tradition was born..

So tonite, I am planning this years event. Just remembering the joy, a burst of creativity bubbled up.

It will be an unforgettable sandwich.

May you be inspired!

Generosity Revisited

This country girl recently spent a few days in the big city. I was shocked to find beggars on almost every corner. How did this happen? I was, for a moment, defeated. My hopes for humanity dashed...

"You must be the change you want to see in the world." I heard the words loud and clear reverberate through my being. I've read them before, but this time I truly heard them.

In my little community, the poor are cared for by our church groups, local non-profit organizations, downtown shopkeepers who quietly see to it that there is always enough to share. I am regularly asked to give: of my time, through financial means, or simply by extending a bit of compassion – doing a little hand holding, listening without judgement. I do what I can.

Riding the subway on a hot August afternoon, I contemplated the greater meaning of generosity. Because of the worldwide financial crisis, most of us are being forced to make hard decisions about where to put our limited resources. Many givers have found themselves on the receiving end. The tides are changing.

But I believe that it's not how much we are each able to give that matters as much as that we give regularly. Even if this year's contributions can't match our patterns from the past, we can continue our commitment and our intention to be connected. Generosity is a spiritual practice that reflects an attitude of heart and mind. I'll share my daily ritual with you.

Before I leave the house to make my daily errand rounds to the post office, the grocery, and beyond – I put a few coins in my pocket so I can reach them quickly. I give this small amount away without stopping to evaluate how the money will be used. Although I may choose to drop a few coins in a blind street musicians cup, more likely I am apt to cover the difference for someone struggling for correct change in the line at the grocery, or pay the toll for the car behind me... you get the idea. Although these may not be our neediest community members, I'm paying it forward. I trust the ripple effect to work in my favor. This simple practice cultivates my habit of giving without thinking about what I might get back. It reminds me that everything I have is a gift to be freely shared.

When I see advertisements in my local paper seeking donations for books for literacy programs, food, blankets, towels, and toys for animal shelters, staples for the food bank, I include those stops in my daily rounds, too. If I walk around my house with a canvas bag just before I walk out the door, I can always find a jar of food or two, a book, some old towels for the humane society. I can stuff it quite readily. I stop in my garden and snap a few sunflowers from their stems and drop them in a jar of water. They sing of happiness, connections, abundance, community!

In just a couple of minutes a day, I model to my children, friends, and neighbors how easy it is to support these projects and I reinforce my own intention to be of help in a needy world.

While dropping off the old towels, I take a minute to pat a dog or two. I might meet a prospective adoption family and revel in their excitement of finding a new family member to love. I stop by the desk to say thank you to the volunteer and leave a bright, happy blossom on her desk.

Always, I take away more than I have left behind.

Always.

May you be blessed!

Sweeter than honey. Thank you, Oshun!

Recently, almost simultaneously, two separate and very different projects took directions I did not anticipate. In fact I never could have expected it, as both projects were presented as creative, intelligent, community-driven alternatives to the failures of outdated models. As a visionary full of hope, I was wildly excited to participate in the creation processes. Both projects were framed by concepts of cooperation, unity, with humility and honor as cornerstones. Naturally, I rolled up my sleeves and jumped right in. Sharing my gifts freely, I recruited associates to assist as well as the concepts began to materialize into structures.

And build we did. But the day came (and maybe even the same day!) that both structures began supporting practices I cannot, and will not, defend as honorable. Eeeww! Well, that's some karma back on me, for sure. Knowing there must be a lesson here, gift-wrapped with my name on the tag, I went searching. By canoe of course, in the tradition of the old ones!

At first I thought the lesson was about trust. In trust, something was given now, an exchange and a commitment, in hope of getting something back in the future. Trusting is enabling other people to take advantage of you—but expecting that they won't. But people will, and do, so you forgive them and move on. Been there, done that, I knew there was more!

I live an abundant life and I'm good at sharing. My kids are too. I teach and I expect that we can all attract abundance by simply conducting ourselves and our lives in an open-handed, open-hearted manner. Yet, here I was, about to swallow the bitter pill of disappointment. Worse, I was feeling the ugly tug of resentment because my ample generosity was not met with the expected results. But that's not how it is supposed to work! I should have been tasting the sweet honey of a life lived well!

Thankfully, clarity dawned with a bit more meditation, Oshun's blessings, and long paddles along the shoreline with my big, wet dog...

The sweetness of life. I taste that honey as I contemplate the results my charitable actions may have on the lives of others in places like Kenya and Tibet. These are people I will never meet, and who will never thank me. Here, I receive the greatest gifts in return for my kindness. My heart opens, my spirit soars, I deepen, I am one of us. Why? Because here I give with no expectation.

Ooohhh, aha! (love it!) When the gifts we give are laden down with expectations, they cease to be "gifts" and become "units" of exchange that we are, in effect, trading for some reward. Thus, the reciprocal laws of the greater, joyful, creative universe err on the side of the giver who truly shares for the sake of sharing! All else is simply a business deal. If I am disappointed in the direction of the projects I worked on, it is only because I didn't have a signed contract expressly stipulating all terms. I was never clear on the conditions. My bad. Next time. Business is business. And, I like to be in control of my business.

But giving is love!

And loving is about relinquishing control! Now and forever more, if I have trouble divesting myself of my expectations, I can realize am not acting in the true spirit of giving. I am working. And each time I do gift, whether in spiritual or tangible ways, I will ask myself if there is something I hope to receive in return. I will see what truly is.

Knowing this, giving becomes a profound joy that stands alone, separate from any and all conditions. I appreciate the flow of reciprocal abundance as a gift in and of itself. When we let go of the notion that we deserve to receive gifts based on giving gifts, real bounty – the kind that sends your spirit soaring – can once again flow freely in and out of our lives. Sweeter than honey. Thank you, Oshun.

I made a donation to Heifer this morning, and I don't know what will be done with it... bees, seeds, a water buffalo? I do not need to. I gave it with love!

May you be blessed!

The Spirit of Oshun: Random Acts of Kindness

Kindness is contagious, even small acts of kindness! Want to do something kind today, but just can't think of what to do? Oshun is the equivalent of Venus or Aphrodite in African mythology. Like them, she is known as "the goddess of love". Like them, she is the most beautiful of all the goddesses, but Oshun is best known for her kindness, which in African mythology is considered the most important quality anyone can possess.

Give of Yourself! Prepare a nutritious bag lunch for a homeless person and hand it to him/her saying "have a great day". Shovel snow for someone. Mow the yard of an elderly or ill neighbor. If you see someone having a bad day, stop to listen to them, hand them a flower, anything to make a difference in their day. Babysit for free for a mom who needs a day to herself to prepare for the holidays. Offer to drive elderly or disabled people to appointments or the store. Crochet or knit baby hats and blankets to donate to a local hospital nursery. Leave your newspaper behind for the next person to read.

Practice kindness towards the environment. Reduce air pollution by carpooling, taking public transportation, biking, or walking. Make a commitment to recycle all aluminum, plastic, and paper materials. Cut down on the energy you use by lowering the heat and turning off lights and unused appliances. Learn more about solar energy. As gifts, give houseplants to teachers, friends, or coworkers.

Express Gratitude. Appreciate someone who has done something kind for you. Send a 'Thank You' card to someone who's helped you when you really needed it. Write a letter to an old teacher who influenced your life. Call your grandparents or parents and let them know how they've impacted your life. Email a friend to thank them for being there for you through hardships. Send an e-card to your husband or wife to tell them how much you appreciate having them in your life. You can create and send a free e-card on our website, by clicking here.

Give the Gift of Inner Transformation! Restrain from criticizing or saying anything negative to anyone today. In a challenging situation, dare to see the glass half full rather than half empty. Listen more than you speak. Give freely of yourself. Practice kindness at every opportunity you get.

Spend five dollars to make someone's day! Tape the exact change for a soda to a vending machine or a payphone. Pay the toll for the person behind you. Leave flowers in front of someone's house. Bake cookies for your neighbors. Put quarters in the laundry machine for the next person. Leave chocolate on the desk of your co-workers.

Tag, you're it! It's a game of pay-it-forward: anonymously make someone smile with an act of kindness, leave behind a card asking them to keep the ripple going. As the Goddess of love and beauty, Oshun also shows us that true beauty is found on the inside! Alafia Iya!