Friday, October 15, 2010
Every once in a while someone finds me online, on a selling site, facebook or through google and feels the need to challenge me, chastise me, or save me, via email. I say pick up the phone, come over for tea. Let's have some face time if this is really that important to you. At least, please use your true name in your emails so we can make a real connection.
And while I do appreciate the kind gestures springing from your dogma of choice, name calling, threats of eternal damnation, and warnings that I am running out of time to jump on your (one-and-only) bandwagon don't come across as very loving.... to me.
I have a new fan. And she's been writing to me, warning me, as part of her mission. And while I am a pretty present and grounded girl, I have to admit I find her constant contact unsettling. Yesterday, while reading her email I felt real negativity entering me. She was sending me fire, hate, and unfounded judgement, ignorance and intolerance, and I was allowing her bully-behavior into my sacred space.
I shifted right into the crazy place. I thought about my defense. My "rights." My "right" rights to squash this.
I know about returning unwanted energies, so I stated out loud "These energies are not mine to deal with, please return them to the sender." I phrased it differently in my head at first but regrouped to a kinder, gentler me. And then I added the "please."
I stopped reading and recognized that this was not mine to deal with, these emotions of fear, anger and guilt were not my own, but from the sender. And although I felt calmer in this knowing, I did not feel resolved or balanced. I wondered if there was some better way I could assist the sender. So I sent feelings of love, joy, harmony and peace, and pictured the sender in her highest light.
I know that many people would have reacted to this situation by returning an email, perhaps with as much anger as directed at them, and some of us skilled with words and thoughtforms might have even drawn mightier swords. You, like me, might have even tried (once again) to educate and reason with the sender, but both of these reactions have only added to the energy charge already formed, expressed. They form a line in the sand, between my viewpoints and hers.
When defensive emotions rise within me I try to sense why they are being triggered. I become aware of the first thing or situation that comes to my mind, leading me to realize what needs to be released within me.
Today another email, even more negative (no, that is a judgement... I'll say extremest) than yesterday. She wanted a response. A validation of her "rights" and my wrongs, repentance and conversion, and a surrender of my position. Her sword, drawn in the name... of what?
So I went to my healing room and meditated, surrendered. As I sat quietly I realized that the energies that I had returned in the past by engaging in dialouge, no matter how well-intentioned, had in fact made things worse, by adding defense to the already unstable energy of attack. If I'm not one of the right "them," I am one of the "wrong others." I can only be for them or against them, and if I am not with them then the perception is that I am fighting them. Any defense is seen as an attack. I cannot win. This war.
No, war is not the answer, and it will never create peace.
I asked my guides to show me how to handle this situation correctly.
I heard, "send the unhealed negative energies to Source and ask that they be transmuted and that these now positive energies be dedicated to The Earth Mother."
Wisdom from the grandmothers.
Dearest Creator, the Source of unconditional love. I ask that the negative unhealed energies being created and directed at me by x, be sent to you to be transmuted. I ask that this now positive energy be dedicated to Mother Earth to assist in raising the vibrations of this beautiful planet.
And I went to my computer.
My Dear Sister, I see you in your highest light, be your heart filled with love, peace, harmony, joy, tolerance and gratitude. Be this for your highest and greatest good and the highest and greatest good of all.
Unconditional love to create peace.
May you be blessed!