Sunday, September 13, 2009
On September 11, at 7:31 pm I celebrated my fiftieth birthday. It's true! So I had a facelift yesterday.
But, before I go into detail I do want to take a moment to express my most sincere gratitude for the outpouring of birthday gifts and greetings and messages I received via email, ecard, twitter and on facebook from my customer-friends, colleagues and on-line community members. My online e-commerce endeavor has gifted me with a loving, lovely extended family. I am blessed to have found abundance and true wealth through the unchartered, unexpected twists and turns my professional practice has taken over the past several years. So a word of wisdom here: if Spirit ever urges you to quit your job and become an ebay psychic, do it. And be ready for the ride of your life. Don't resist the seemingly absurd, just go with the flow...
At fifty, I see that has become a way of life for me now. I am comfortable accepting change without getting too anxious, angry or frustrated. I'll take what life gives me with gratitude, trusting, rather than try to mold circumstance to be as I think it should be. But I am a Virgo, a scientist, a thinker and a perfectionist. How did this happen? Maybe its an Oshun thing... the water, the movement...
In the temple I call a kayak, I meditated.
Once upon a time I realized that I can’t control everything. That was the beginning. I realized that things will happen, not might happen, but will. There are things that I cannot control that will affect every aspect of my life, and I must must must accept that, or I go crazy. No, thanx.
And, somewhere along the journey I became aware. I learned that you can’t change things in your head if you’re not aware of them. You have to become an observer of your thoughts, a self-examiner. I have learned to take a deep breath to calm down and get perspective. I have learned to take a step back. I have a technique: You know how you’re watching a movie and the camera zooms away and you can see much more of the world on the screen than you could before? How it goes from closeup to a larger, panoramic view of things? That’s what happens in my mind’s eye. I start to zoom away, until I’m pretty far away from things. Then whatever happened doesn’t seem so important. A week from now, a year from now, will this matter? Probably no one will care, not even me. So why get upset about it? Just let it go, goodbye.
I learned to laugh. I try to see "things" as comical, or at least incedibly interesting, rather than frustrating. It requires a certain amount of detachment — you can laugh at the situation if you’re above it, but not within it. That detachment is a good thing, beacuse life isn't always about me, sometimes "things happen" so I will be in a particular place at a particular time to be there for someone else. When I am delayed, I always wonder who is waiting for me.
I realized that I can’t control others. This was one of my biggest challenges as a mother and healer. I finally realized that even the people I love and I am tyring to help are acting according to their personality, according to what they feel is right, and that they are not going to do what I suggest all of the time. I have to accept that. Accept that I can’t control them, accept them for who they are, accept the things they do, and send a blessing rather than a curse when they need it most.
I accepted change and imperfection. I accepted the fact that the world is constantly changing, and I am a part of that change. Also, instead of wanting things to be “perfect” (and what is perfect anyway?), I accepted that they will never be perfect, and learned to accept this moment instead.
And so, I've had a facelift. It's a parodox, isn't it.
I've learned to enjoy life as a flow of change, chaos and beauty. What is perfection? It’s actually a very interesting question. Does perfect mean the ideal life and world that we have in our heads? Do we have an ideal that we will try to make the world conform to? Because that will likely never happen. Instead, I will try to see the world as perfect the way it is. It’s messy, chaotic, painful, sad, dirty … and completely perfect. The world is beautiful, just as it is. And so am I, with my turkey neck and lip lines, crows feet and sunspots.
My facelift? No, not a surgical procedure on my body, but certainly a change in my "image." My facelift is my commitment to continue to go with the flow for the next fifty years. You'll see it on my web pages at my Bonanzle and ecrater stores and on my website. There's a river running through them now, and the lotus avatar has been replaced with the face of Mother Oshun.
Life is not something static, but a flow of change, never staying the same, always interesting, sometimes funny, always beautiful. There is beauty in everything around us, if we look at it as perfect.
May you be blessed!